For Lent, I’m Using an iPhone

Photo by Arun Thomas on

Want to hear perhaps the weakest, most 1st-Worldest Lenten resolution ever? I’m using an iPhone as a Lenten penance. It’s a petty insult to Apple users, so it’s actually an actively uncharitable practice. Furthermore, I’m announcing this penance, and that’s exactly what Jesus (the inventor of Lent) says not to do. I’m writing a whole blog post about it.

This penance cuts me pretty deep though, I truly believe. Let me explain. First off, it’s an iPhone 7. $200 at Walmart, for Straight Talk customers. This thing is slow and it has a sub-par camera. Basically, leprosy. Really, though, I’m Android to the core, ride-or-die. I have never owned a Mac, and in fact, I use Chromebooks for my personal computing. Team Google, through and through.

Switching is annoying. Nothing is where I want it to be. I had a Pixel 3a before, which even Apple apologists will admit, cleanly out-classes the iPhone 7 in nearly every measurable category. So what is truly driving the change? Two big things:

  1. The Pixel 3a fell into the ocean. It fell into the ocean with me. It was a consequence of a tragic Instagram influencer accident that I’m not fully emotionally healed enough to discuss in further detail. Maybe a blog on that later.
  2. I’m marrying into an iPhone family, so I figured I might as well be a team player on this one.

And so, you see, the iPhone switch may truly be perceived as a Lenten penance. I am denying myself, letting go of a contrived material object (well, operating system) that I’ve perhaps given too high of a place in the composition of my personal identity.

Another Lenten resolution is to write things on this blog. I’m thinking of calling it “40 for 40”. Forty blog posts in forty days. So read this blog. My hastily composed words can be your penance.


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